"My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba." We're not clear on whether she's actually supposed to be mentally unwell. Ana has a really loud and obnoxious subconscious that's always doing dance moves in her head. "I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious - she's doing her happy dance in a bright red hula skirt at the thought of being his." It's a heady cocktail - so much better than a margarita, and now I can speak from experience." "Oh my - sweat and body wash and Christian. The core of our frontal lobe, which is the area of the brain that controls logical reasoning, is telling us that this sentence is needlessly convoluted. "And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain – probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata near where my subconscious dwells – comes the thought: He's here to see you." "His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel. Now that the big-screen versions of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele have been cast, we felt inspired to look back on some of the book's most inexplicable extracts. James's prose – laden as it is with earnest exclamations, weirdly placed ellipses and tone-deaf metaphors – is flat-out bizarre. Badly written by itself wouldn't be worthy of a feature. Here's the thing about EL James's best-selling erotic-novel-turned-global-sensation Fifty Shades of Grey: it's not just badly written. Play icon The triangle icon that indicates to play
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